Challenge Yourself

You will have to excuse me because I really love my Ruby show and she inspires me and will undoubtedly inspire a lot of my posts on here...

This week's show centered on Ruby's journey to Australia. She hired a trainer while on vacation to keep her on track. He told her that at the end of the week she was going to climb the Harbor Bridge. She balked at the idea, telling the trainer that she weighed over 300 pounds and had bad knees and a bad back. It sounded like a no-go!

But on her last day there, she decided to do it. The whole way she kept saying "I can't do this. I don't think I can do this." But... SHE DID IT! It was a beautiful moment and it was really inspiring and motivating to me to see her beat that huge challenge and overcome a fear of hers. It made me feel like there are some things in my life that I let get in my way that I can overcome...

My friend Liz and I have decided to start the Couch to 5K Challenge. Basically it's a running/walking program that starts out 'easy' and gets harder and more intense each week until you are running for 20-30 minutes at a time. Might not seem like a lot for you more fit people, but believe me it is scary to me right now.

We did our first day of it today. We walked for 5 minutes, then alternated between 60 seconds of running and 90 seconds of walking. So in total we ran for 6 minutes. Believe it or not that was HARD! When I was way skinnier I enjoyed running... but right now it's a scary thing for me. I fear for my poor knees and the rest of me as well. My heart was POUNDING when we started... not from exhaustion but from pure fear! But we made it through, and I am very very proud of that.

Now that doesn't mean that my fear is gone... because we do this same workout two more times and then we go to running for 90 seconds at a time... and then for 3 minutes at a time the next week! Again, may not seem like a lot, but for me right now I am scared to death of doing that. I keep looking ahead and worrying 'can I do that?' But I need to stop. I need to focus on what's in front of me, and what's going on right now. Too often I focus on what's up next and what's coming and I don't pay attention to what I have accomplished or am accomplishing today. So that's the goal. To focus on today, not worry about what lies ahead, and be proud of what I am doing right now. Perhaps I will excel at this the more I do it; perhaps I will need to tweak it and give myself a few more weeks at a slower pace. But either way is ok- I am up, I am moving, and I am DOING IT! And for that I am very proud of myself (and Liz) :)

The Clothes in My Closet

So.... just got done emailing with a friend about all of the 'skinny' clothes we have saved and can't wait to wear again. It brought up some interesting feelings for me...

I realized that my current closet holds about 80% clothes that are too small for me and only about 20% (perhaps even less) clothes that I actually wear and fit into right now. Is that healthy?!? I'm thinking not so much. Maybe it's motivating to want to fit into them, and to want to work towards that. But isn't it also sending a message to myself that I'm not good enough as I am right now?!? Isn't it saying that I'm not at my ideal weight and therefore don't deserve fun, beautiful, stylish clothes? I kind of think it is.

Now, that's not to say that I'm going to rush out and buy a whole new wardrobe. My wallet cannot afford that, and considering I plan to keep on losing weight, it just doesn't make sense. But I do think that maybe I need to put those clothes away until I'm ready to wear them, and maybe start buying one or two special pieces that fit me now and make me feel really good when I wear them. What could be better than loving myself as I am? Stacy and Clinton (What Not to Wear- love that show!) always talk about loving yourself as you are, and feeling beautiful so that you have the confidence to continue growing and changing. It makes sense to me and I'm pretty sure I'm not doing that right now. But it's a goal and part of my journey, for sure.

I am not particularly excited about going through my closet and realizing what little I have to wear, but I think it will be great to surround myself with things that I am able to wear now and that make me feel great. Here I go.... :)