Tuesday, March 30, 2010

A Heavy Heart

We got some really excruciatingly sad news today... it is private, and I am respecting the people involved by not sharing it here. Suffice it to say that there is a lot of pain and sadness right now.

This evening after getting the news, one of my very first thoughts was to turn to food. I immediately tried to decide what food I could/should eat to comfort myself. It's such a natural reaction for me. I'm sad, I eat. I'm happy, I eat. I'm bored, I eat. I'm worried, I eat. It's such an ingrained habit that I really don't think much about it. I just do it. Or at least the old Melissa did. The new Melissa, tonight, when my brain automatically went to thoughts of food, asked myself, "Am I hungry?" When I knew the answer was no, I ended the thoughts. HUGE step in the right direction. I identified a potential sabotage on myself and gave it the kibosh. That is a great step in the right direction for me. I wish it hadn't come at the expense of such a terrible day, but I know that if I am going to succeed, I really need to be positive and to not beat myself up.

Please pray for healing and understanding. And NEVER take anything or anyone for granted. Ever.

Monday, March 29, 2010

Here I Am!!!

Hello blogging world!!!

I am completely new to this, but I have been inspired to start something new, and I do believe that this could be really great for me... and maybe for you too :)

Not sure how many of you watch Ruby on the Style Network, but she is a wonderful woman who has lost an incredible amount of weight- I believe at her heaviest she weighed in the 700's and she's now in the low 300's. She inspires me to no end!!! I really believe that if I were to get to such an extreme weight, I don't know if I would be able to face such an incredible uphill battle. But maybe I would surprise myself...

Well anyways on the latest episode, her therapist suggested that she find five things that she could change about her routine, her life, her habits to help boost up her weight loss and give her a fresh start. Her choices were to give up diet pop in favor of a juicer (ewwww... she juiced carrots and celery!!!), take the stairs instead of the elevator, switch up her workouts, get rid of her favorite chair that she bought to fit in at 700 pounds, and to put up mirrors all over her house to see the 'real Ruby'. Two of her choices triggered thoughts and ideas for me.

First, I thought about how Steve and I have let our dining room table become a clutter-holder. We just keep piling more and more stuff on it!!! You can't even see most of the pretty table cloth I have on there :( We are both in the terrible habit of eating all of our meals in front of the t.v. I know that this affects how much we eat, what we eat, and our level of enjoyment of the food- which also correlates with how full and satisfied we may or may not feel afterwards. More importantly, it affects our ability to hold a conversation, to look each other in the eye, and to connect with one another- very very important things in our young marriage! So that is my first change- clearing off the table and making an honest effort to eat all of my meals at the table.

Ruby's mirrors triggered a lot of things for me. I, like her, have always felt that I don't see the true me when I look in the mirror- but then again I think I only glance, I don't really look. I don't see how big I got. I didn't have any idea how I looked until I saw a picture of me and some friends from back in January- I've got to post that picture as my starting point! I was shocked at how big I was. I just had no idea that I looked like that. That scares me- that I don't have an honest view of myself in the mirror. I think that's a defense mechanism. It's my way of protecting myself from the image I am bound to see (and probably not like) if I truly look at myself. So my second change is to truly start to look at myself in the mirror and to get acquainted with myself.

As far as my other three changes go, I am unsure, but I have some ideas...

I know that I need to do more strength training (I used to not mind it but lately I have the HARDEST time making myself do it).

I also want to vary my workouts- I am thinking about trying kickboxing and perhaps doing some water aerobics- which would also force me to get over my insecurities about showing my legs and arms!!!

Hmmm... what else? There are definitely things to think about. But I am determined to get my dining room table cleared off and start using it properly. As well as spending quality time in the mirror... scary, but very very necessary!

I'll let you know how it goes :)